Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters

SIGHS!
I really don't know what is going on.
Hai.
Ya finally changed my blog song.
What a sad song, but i like it.
My right eye tense to be so blury.
I can't see things clearly.
Am i going to be like the female leading actress in the stairway to heaven show?
I dunno.
Hai.
Maybe i am going to be blind like her.
I am feelin so so down now.
No ones will understand how i feel not even ppl close to me.
I always hide things by myself.
Hai.
What should i do?
I feeling gulity?
I feel like crying for no reasons.
Can anybody help me?
I feel soooo stress.
but i am stressed for nothing.
I should be happy that today is our first month anniversary.
yet, i feel so plain about it.
I am still not use to it.
I need time to reflect on myself..
Lots and lots of time.
I going insane anytime i guess.
I apperciate everything, yes i do.
hai.
I feel so dumb and stupid..
But i just can't explain what makes me feel so.
Hai.
I am alone by myself.
No ones will understand.
I just can't stop my mind from thinking any further.
I feel so terrible..
hai.
Lots of things had to change because of me but still i think it is not worth it unless you are willingly to do so.
Everyday coming back to this empty house makes me feel so frighten..
Nobody to talk to.
No ones cares me.
Nobody shower their's love to me.
I feel all alone.
Whenever i walk down the street seeing couples or families happily chating and so close to one another.
I was so envious.
I want to be like them too.
But i guess this wil never happen to me.
I am not a good girl, you understand?
I am rebellious, go home late often, doesn't obey to parents and lots of stuffs. I am not that type of guai type of ger.
We shouldn't have come together.
We are like totally different backgrounds and personality.
I have tried my best to sort out what's matter with me, yet.. i still do not have an answer with me.
I seldom speaks to you about my families right?
U might guess i really had caring parents and siblings.
I am invisible to them.
When i needed help, my mum was like it's your own business u shall settle it yourself.
Maybe compared to my pervious ex she knows more than you do.
It's because i do take time to tell her everything.
And it's true.
Do you I am like living alone?
All alone.
That's why i said tht im independent enough.
Even my family is staying with me, i feel as if i am alone.
Only when i was still a child staying with grandmother makes me feel not getting neglected.
I hunger for love.
I do compared sometimes.
That is why sometime i mentioned that the person is much better in this way.
You have your every rights to be yourself.
Don't just change everything for me.
I am afraid being with me, you will only suffered.
Like what someone told me that you are so guai and if you continuing being with me i will definately feel that i brought you to worst.
I seldom have dinner with my family.
seldom? or should i say never?
I really feel sooo left out.
That's why i seldom stay alone at home.
Get what i mean?
I even had intention of moving out from this house.
When i am sick, i am all alone.
No ones will bring me to the doctor or feed me medicine.
Sometimes i feel that am i human and their flesh blood too?
I am not like you..
You have to be home by this and this time.
While mine? No limit.
Hai.
If you continue being me i will only teach you bad.
understand?
And you see as and when i wanna stay overnight and go home late, Nobody will cares about me.
U should be glad your mother really cares for you.
I feel so gulity.


I always had this big sweet dream..
But i know myself that it won't happen to me...
I always wished to have a caring family who never fails to ask my needs and cheer me up.
I always wished that my the other partner will care about me without fails (I did not mean that she does not care for me) In the sense that i hope my partner will do things out of willingly and sincerely.
Someone told me that you can't expect the person to be perfect and change totally for you and it's impossible.
They have their own negative points.
I admited i'm still not used to all the things i had now.
Will my life continued to be so meaningless?
I feel like nothing left now.
so depressed.
So many things clogged into my mind.
It's difficult to wash it all off.
hai..
This my life, what to do?
I shall accept it..
Just let fate decide.
It's all so unfair.
Sigh.
shall let my mind rest in peace.
I do not wish to care anymore.
Forever being alone by myself.

let your heart out.

November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006March 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007

ben
baby
bubu
hui zhen
japaquas
rosalin
yee ling
xue ting
zann

Kbox outing 02/09/06
Yee Ling and Hui zhen B'dae celebration 09/09/06
Cousins and me 10/09/06
East Coast & K Box Outing 23/09/06
Last two days at work 26/09/06
Billy Bombers & Esplanade strolling 02/10/06
21/10/06
KL trip
JA(s) outing, 04/11/06


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